I don’t want to give talks.
I don’t want to make videos.
I don’t want to become a social media influencer.
I want to write.
I enjoy writing.
I want to talk to people who have done interesting things, then I want to write about them.
I want to do interesting things, too. Then write about those.
This is no big secret. When people asked what I wanted to be after college, I said Bill Bryson. A bit too specific to be achievable, I realise now. But doing the things he does is not. In essence: do cool things, write about them, then do the same again.
In 2011 I wrote these four words, and stuck them on my wall: Adventure, Write, Save, Repeat.
In 2017 I upheaved myself pretty hard, and dumped myself on the path to do all of those things.
Then, in 2018, I panicked. I questioned every motivation, unpicked myself almost completely, and ploughed time into web design and various other unrelated skills.
It led to feelings of turmoil and unrest.
(It also led to this website though, so it’s not all bad.)
Now I have returned to the Adventure, Write, Save, Repeat track, and it feels good.
Action, always, is the key.
Management of self doubt is part of it, too: remaining attentive to what it teaches, but not beholden to what it dictates.